There isn’t much than can be achieved by standing still.
We were made to explore. We were given to hands to reach, two feet to move, and two eyes to seek. We are curious by nature, and made curiouser and curiouser through reading, hearing, imagining, dreaming, wishing, wanting, and needing. Whether we seek answers to a riddle, or new surroundings to engulf our senses, we are all looking for something. Something that will inspire us. Something that will excite us. Something that will give us a sense of relief or closure. Something that will motivate us. Something that will allow us to forgive ourselves for past mistakes. Sometimes we have absolutely no idea what we’re looking for, or no idea that we are even looking for anything at all.
It’s not what we’re looking for that’s important, it’s where we decide to look for it that makes us who we are.
Everyone wants a cohesive family. That perfect Mom/Dad/Two-and-a-half children and a goldfish named Harry family. They want soccer on Saturday mornings, and neighbourhood bbqs on Sunday afternoons. They want the picket fence and fresh baked cookies, with carpooling and school productions. They want homegrown veges, and pressed linen that smells like fluffy descendants of angels. They want family holidays to tropical islands and family photos of Daddy throwing his little girl into the air while waves crash around their ankles and they laugh infectiously. They want silly arguments about whose night it is to do the dishes, and snuggles on the couch in front of a good movie and a roaring fire place.
I’m calling bullshit.
There is nothing there that we cannot live without. Nothing at all that inspires us to be even better versions of ourselves. Nothing at all that we cannot make happen for ourselves. So we’ll need a selfie stick to get pictures of the two of us slam dunking each other in the waves on some foreign coast. And we’ll have to borrow the neighbour’s pets because we’re both too selfish to have our own. We’ll get a fluff and fold at the laundromat, and get “fresh” cookies from the bakery across the road. As for snuggles on the couch…pfffft, we are pro’s.
Years ago, actually let’s be real, months ago I wanted all of the 50’s housewife life. It was the dream I had for my little family, and the life I thought my precious bundle of sweet kisses needed and deserved. She is just the loveliest little creature, with the most inquisitive mind, and the kindest soul. She deserved a “whole” family, right?
She deserves a peaceful life, disrupted only by the need to explore, adventure, travel and learn. She deserves a life where everyone in it is there because they so desperately want to be with her, not just because they have to. She deserves to be the focus, not just the fill in or the after thought. She deserves first pick, not leftovers. She deserves freedom of speech, encouragement to be herself, and the confidence to trust her own decisions. She deserves to make her own cute little mistakes and have gullible Mummy clean them up for her until she’s old enough to know better. She deserves a whole entire life, all of her own.
And yes, she deserves a whole family. She has one! Two is enough! Us two is perfectly enough. Two was enough when we came home from the hospital together when she was 4days old and neither of us had any idea what to do. Two was enough when she took her first steps towards me and sprouted a little gap toothed grin. Two was enough at her first cake smash, her first birthday, and her second birthday. Two was enough when we took our first flights together, our first bus trip together, and our first roadtrip home together. Two was enough when we first climbed Mt. Manaia together, and when we completed all 19.4kms of the Tongariro Crossing. Two was enough when we went campervanning around some beautiful places amid a giant thunderstorm. Two will be enough when we move into our dream home in 4wks, and two will be enough for every single day after that.
Two is enough. More than enough.
Our happiness won’t be found in an impossibly perfect situation. We’ll never find it looking back as if we’ve lost something. It’s not in anyone else. It’s not in money, or in things that can be broken, or stolen, or lost. It’s not in lost dreams, or changed plans. It’s not in places that didn’t work out or people that didn’t either. So we’re not looking there anymore.
Our happiness is in our love for adventure. It’s in the places we want to visit, and the places we will stumble across on our way. It’s going to be somewhere near the ocean, and somewhere on the edge of a cliff, and somewhere under a canopy of lush rainforest. It’s in the love we have for those who love us just as we are. It’s in the pictures stuck to the fridge door with cookie monster magnets, and the folder of daycare artworks that we’ll eventually hang. It’s in the destinations, and in every single step of the journey. It’s in sun, or rain, or snow. It’s in genuine smiles from strangers, and stories shared with travellers. It’s in learning about each other, and about ourselves, and building a life where we are free to just be.
Sometimes it’s better to just stop looking. Everyone says that. Especially about love. But we’re not looking for love, we already have that in abundance. If there was too much love we’d have that too. We are so in love sometimes we make ourselves laugh at ourselves. We are almost stupidly in love. We hold hands and make googly love eyes at each other. We finish each others sentences, and have affectionate nicknames for each other like Bob and Jim. If there is anything we have enough of, it’s love. We’re always open to more love, but for now we’re at capacity and feeling pretty chuffed with ourselves.
It’s happiness we’re after. But instead of looking for it in all the wrong places and ideals, we’re just going to go, and be, and let it continue to seek us out.
Less than 48hrs until the next Emmy & Me adventure begins…watch this space!